Summer Of Slush: Beer Slushies Are Good For Indie Craft Beer

Beer Geeks need to let the whole shamming of Beer Slushies subside.

I totally get the shaming, but, slushed beers are delicious. I hate saying that, but dammit, they are.

Three big reasons I like it:

  1. They keep money flowing in craft beer.
  2. Big Beer can do nothing. There is no counter. You think Texas Roadhouse is going to get a Bud Light Slush machine? Actually they might. I should shut up. Shit, I’d be surprised if there ISN’T a beer slush machince the next time I go to Texas Roadhouse or whatever.
  3. Sometimes your significant other might not be all that into beer like you so it’s hard to get them to come down to the taproom with you. But if there is a beer slush available, might be a little easier to convince them.

Aren’t breweries using beer they are having problems selling to blend into slushies?

Yeah, they probably are in many cases. What, are you a Beer Slush Snob now? Cool. Demand better from your slushes. Otherwise, what does it matter? Just drink it or don’t. Hell, it’s more interesting than a simple Lager, that brewers seem to love so much. Yeah I said it.

How does one get a commercial beer slush machince?

I quickly found this website (not affiliated, just telling you about it) and they have all the machines. Maybe not so practical for a home brewer but kinda reasonable for a brewery taproom. I imagine you could make your money back in a couple of busy weekends and then it’s slushy profits forever!

Don’t ask me how to make one though. I guess you dump a bunch of sugar in with your sour IPA you can’t get rid of and then start counting all that slush monies.

If you want to go hipster with your slushies, check out what this bar in New York does:

While it may be the Summer trend for beer in 2019, I think they will be sticking around. In fact, I think slushies will be just as big in 2020, if not bigger.

Just know that if I start seeing them pop up in Chili’s, the trend is about to be over.

Why Do Brewers Love Lagers and Pilsners So Damn Much!?

Because brewers are so fucking bored with flavor and the work, they just want pilsners and lagers.

It’s a good test. A test to see if the brewer knows what the hell he is doing. If he’s got a good lager or pilsner then he probably can brew.

I had always thought that tasting a brewer’s pale is how you judge.

Brewers are annoyed that you like flavors. You dick Beer Geeks, liking all that damn flavor! Screw. You. Guys. I’m going going home with  Zero Hopped Pilsner.

Give us what we want, you brewing bros. Stop trying to shove your Pilsner on is. Homebrew your lagers and drink them all day for all I care.

You’re a damn Pro. And being pro means you have to make some stuff that is interesting and fun. There is nothing fucking interesting and fun about a clean lager.

If you want to be relive your Budweiser drinking days, then go get a Budwieser and leave us be. Where is my Mosaic hopped marshmellow hazy?

Lagers are as boring.

Stay home. Make lagers all day in your garage if they’re so fucking awesome. I’m at your taproom with cash and I want some pales with FUCKING HOPS!

I want some stouts WITH FUCKING ADJUNKS BECAUSE ADJUNKS TASTE GOOD!

I don’t care if you think I’m a child, I alreay know I’m a child and I don’t have to eat my veggies. I can eat and drink whatever I damn well please and I want to give you money for a beer with a shit ton of Mosaic and I don’t need to see your eye rolls.

I don’t need to hear your sighs. Just make the damn beer and be happy you get to do something you love and I get to pay you for it.

END RANT! I love you brewer guys. Just beer drinker venting attempting comedy.

xoxo

-Mikey

Kinda sorta related:

5 Things Untappd Should Do Right Damn Now!

Untappd

I am not one to be afraid to nerd out about Untappd. And I’d be willing to stay on the Untappd App longer (which is what all sites and Apps want from you) if the Untappd Overlords would add these five things.

1. Make It Easy To Do Late Check-Ins.

Half of my check-ins are after the fact. You know, you’re in a situation (like going to dinner with non-beer geeks) and you don’t want to be on your phone, checking in beers. Or you are partying too hard and don’t want to stop and use Untappd.

But later, you want credit for having that beer. So you check-in even though you’re not currently dinking. There is never been a button or added feature to idicate this. What I do and most people do is indicate in the comments that it’s a late check-in. Not the worst thing in the world but also slightly annoying.

2. Give Us One Minute Of Video.

Is that too crazy? Instagram has video so it’s obviously possible. But do I really want it? I don’t have the energy to watch IGTV videos. Barely can watch Instagram Stories.

So why am I asking for video on Untappd? It goes back to wanting to not leave the App. Being able to give a one minute review of the beer could make things more interesting on Untappd, that is for certain.

3. Simplify Finding People.

Take away the extra step in searching for users. When you first search a user name on Untappd it searches through your current friends. If you are trying to find a new-to-you person, you then have to hit the “add” button at the top right and search again. Just make one search, yeah?

4. Change “Beers” back to “Uniques”.

On your profile, it used to compile your basic check-in stats as beers and uniques. Beers is how many times you checked in a beer. Uniques are how many different beers you’ve had. Now, mysteriously, it’s “Check-ins” that represent the number of beers you drank and “Beers” for the number of unique beers you’ve drank. Weird and lame.

5. Give Us A Global and Local Leaderboard

A, Most Untappd Check-ins leader board. This could get ugly. But I really would like to know who had the most check-ins on Untappd. I can guarantee it is not someone that works at Untappd.

Maybe something like Reddit does where you can be upvoted for how good your reviews are or how interesting your check-ins are.

Anyway, Untappd. I’ll keep thinking of junk. You keep listening. Leave a comment if there is something you would like Untappd to do.

What Does ‘Crispies’ Mean in Beer?

What are “crispies” in the beer geek world?

If we are in the realm of beer geek terms, when one uses the slang “crispies” they are referring to macro beers or pilsners like a Coors Light on Bud Light or other boring corporate beers.

Also may be simply referring to beers that are kept in the crisper bin of the refrigerator. No space on the shelf so you start storing beers in the crisper.

Don’t forget the Bros and how the term crispies relate! You call them “crispy bois”. At least you could call them that.

I have two bins full of bad “crispies” waiting for a really desperate day. A day I hope never comes. At least now I know what to call them.

*Parks N Rec beer meme pictured above found on RareBeerMeme’s Instagram feed.

Flagship February Continues On… Everywhere

Flagship February

Don’t be bummed Flagship February is over. It is still going at every place that has craft beer. Really. Check you Untappd feed if you don’t believe me.

Here is a handy list of places that will continue Flagshipping, way after February… like, all damn year and forever.

  • Chilli’s.
  • Red Robin.
  • Whole Foods.
  • Red Lobster.
  • Texas Roadhouse.
  • Buffalo Wild Wings.
  • Your Uncle’s.
  • Applebees.
  • The Denny’s in Barstow.
  • 711.
  • The Cantina at Mos Isles, Tatooine.
  • Every Indian Gaming Casino.
  • Friday’s.
  • Dan and Julie’s Wedding.
  • The White House When Obama Was There.
  • Chevron Gas Stations.
  • Fresno Yosemite International Airport.
  • That Taco Bell That Serves Alchohol.
  • Every Restaurant In Downtown Disney.
  • The Bowling Alley From The Big Lebowski’s.
  • Every Sushi, Tepanaki and Mexican Food Place.
  • The Tailgates at Every Show on the Korn & Alice In Chains Tour.
  • The Place Dekard Eats Noodles At In Blade Runner.
  • Circle K.
  • Flight 1138 From Los Angels to Maui.
  • Chotchkie’s.
  • Your Friend From Work’s Ski Boat.

All kidding aside, I think Flagship February is a cool thing. But my point is, Flagships are not dead. Diminished, sure. But definitely not dead.

They live on, and probably always will, at more places than you think.