What does “smooth” mean when describing beer? Don’t say it doesn’t mean anything because you ALL know what it means!
So, people out there on Beer Twitter making fun of smooth because it was the top description on Untappd last year.
99% of the use of "smooth" is simply coming from relative beer neophytes who don't possess any other descriptive language and are simply using it to mean "good" in any way, shape or form. And even moreso, when it comes to spirits.
Don’t get flipped, bro! Neophytes? Go back to your spirts cave. That’s not what most people are saying.
It’s not bitter. Easy to drink. Drinkable. Hence: SMOOTH.
Yeah maybe it’s lazy but we ALL KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IT MEANS!
So back the hell off of SMOOTH! Back the hell off because smooth isn’t the only common term that means something and nothing all at once.
How about?:
Crisp
Bright
Flavorful
Light
Hoppy
Thin
Accessible
Complex
Balanced
Clean
See?! It’s all crap AND useful, at once. Unless you tear down all beer descriptors, leave smooth alone.
Deeper Take
As humans, all we really want is for things to go smoothly. We want our day to go smooth. Wedding. Trip. Latest hazy release.
Smooth is good. Smooth makes us happy.
So, as a brewer, don’t you want your beer to make people happy? If someone says your beer is “smooth”, they like your beer. Pretty nice if you think about it.
Smooth might be the most positive beer descriptor out there.
I know that Untappd has its own FAQ but how about some Untappd advice from a hardcore user, like me?
A beer nerd that is not very good at giving detailed reviews but knows that they are not good at it. That makes it cool, yeah?
Untappd gets a lot of flack, but I think it is the best beer app for journalling and tracking your beer. I have a physical beer journal (shout out to Moleskine) and I have Untappd. I use Untappd a lot more, even though I love notebooks.
Let’s look at some basics and some of the beer app’s features you might not have thought of or have forgotten about.
How to use Untappd
Let’s start with the basics of how to use Untappd and then further down I will give you some tips on how to enjoy Untappd more:
Figure out it’s spelled Untappd, not Untapped.
Sign up for an account and make a profile, use a legit picture in your profile.
Search for the beer you’re currently drinking or maybe one you drank yesterday.
Check-in that beer – boom, you’re now Untapping
Start finding friends or people that look cool, and request to be friends.
Receive badges from your check-ins and wonder if you should care about them.
Eventually forget to check-in to beers.
Okay. Now that you’ve begun your Untappd journey, here are some tips:
Build A Profile Worth Seeing
A normal picture is all you really need. Don’t shy away from making a good, complete profile. You are amongst fellow beer lovers, it’s okay to shout it to the global beer garden that is Untappd “I love beer and I don’t care who knows about it!” There is very little judgment about how much beer you drink, less than you probably think. Have fun and screw those haters!
Don’t Rate Beer Styles You Know Nothing About
Nothing pisses off a brewer more than to go on Untappd, see somebody check into one of their beers, give the beer a shitty rating and then say, “I have never had this style, I didn’t like it, 2 stars.”
Beer Questions: Can A Gas Card Be Used To Buy Craft Beer?
Payday is several days away and all you really want is a 6-pack of good beer to get you through the week.
The only way you have to pay for anything is a credit card from a gas station.
So this begs the question: Can I buy beer with my, say, Shell Credit Card?
Yes! The answer is yes.
Desperate times call for desperate beer purchases.
Look, man, you should not be doing this. A lot of gas credit cards have high-interest rates. Like 23% rates.
I’m no math wiz but you are paying a lot more for that beer when you use a card.
That said, when you need to have some beer and you have no other means and you have space on your gas card, it’s there for you. It’s been days since you’ve been able to check-in a beer on Untappd. You NEED THIS, MAN!
I have used a Shell credit card to buy beer at a Shell station, several times, so you won’t get any judgment from me.
This may or may not be cool across all the States.
As far as I can tell you can do this with most cards. From Shell cards, Chevron, 76, Texaco, or whatever weird gas company you have in your town.
Every state’s rules have the possibility of being different.
It might be smart to make a quick call to the gas station to make sure you can use your card to buy that tasty beer. Just don’t let on it’s for you when you call, if you are like me and get embarrassed by that sort of thing.
“Yeah so my friend wanted me to call and ask if you take your gas card for payment if one wanted to purchase an alcoholic beverage? Also, do you have any hazy beer right now?… asking for a friend still.”
Of note: You may have a “fuel only” restriction placed on your card if it is a business account. So be warned. Have a really rad excuse lined up when your boss asks about that $16.99 charge for a 4-pack of “How’s It Hazing, Bro?!”
Can you buy alcohol with a GIFT card?
No. This is different from a gas CREDIT card. Not really sure why.
To me it makes more sense to restrict a gas credit card from buying alcohol than a gift card.
A gift card normally works like cash.
Somebody paid cash for the gift card. You can buy beer with cash. Why can’t you buy beer at a gas station with a gas gift card!?
I guess it’s fine for gas companies to make that credit card rate money with beer.
Hazy beer “Death To False Beer” is a good beer for rolling.
Yes. Rolling beer. It is a thing to do and it has a purpose.
Do you already know about rolling your beer or is this the first time you’re hearing about it?
I recently was listening to Three B Zine podcast and heard a guy from Stone Brewing talk about rolling a can of Hazy IPA or NE style (whatever term you prefer) beer before opening it.
Oh, yes, I have seen hazebros do this beer rolling on Instagram but did not think there was a point to it other than it makes for a slightly fun and quick video.
There is actually a point to it.
Why? What does rolling a beer do?
Rolling a beer breaks up the sediment. If a beer has been sitting around a bit or is excessive in its hazy New England nature, there will be lots of chunky goodness to mix in with the rest of the beer.
I say that rolling your beer on the ground or wherever, brings out all the flavors.
So, when you roll it, it’s like shaking it up without shaking it up because actually shaking a beer is bad – unless you just won the World Series and you’re pouring beer over your teammate in the locker room.
Rolling it mixes all the things. The sediment. The haze. The juicy.
Is it okay to drink beer with sediment?
Yeah, dude. Totally. That’s full of protein probably.
Actually, it’s the yeast. It is heavy and likes to rest at the bottom of your can or bottle. Yeast gets worn out and lazy.
The good news though is that sediment apparently has plenty of B vitamins so you’re going to be super healthy after drinking it. “No honey, I don’t need to take my multivitamin today, I have my juicy beer here, I’m good.”
What is the best way to roll your beer?
Be nice to your beer. Take your favorite can or crowler of hazy, or bottle of old beer. Playfully roll it across the table a few times. Open. Pour. Enjoy your haze…bro.
If you do it right and don’t get too crazy with your roll, it won’t explode on you, it’ll just be ready to enjoy while you play all the best backyard and beer garden games.
Enough talking about it. Let’s try it because I am getting thirsty and I need something chunky and juicy:
A fine enough option. But you can also take your hazy out for a little walk:
Look. It may not do anything. But it totally might too. I feel like it does (if that means anything to you). Either way, it’s rollin’ good times! 🍻
